I just got back from phuket for about a week..

It was a great getaway with monster.. we stayed at karon area.. which i really loved..

I love it for its quiet and laid-back streets.. We enjoyed the resort stay alot.. Contrary to what others said on websites, i find that the staffs there are really polite.. The environment is great too.. The money spent on it was worth every cent.. They even coordinated with me to give monster a surprise on his birthday..

Visited Khai island, phi phi island and yao lai island i think.. It was a pity.. as the beaches were all covered due to high tide.. But we did a little snorkeling which was fun!! It was me and monster's virgin snorkeling experience.. But of cos, nth beats diving.... So i told him to save up and learn diving so we can go together next time.. =)

We went for massage everyday! and it was shiokness.... 200 thai for 1 hr.. its less than sgd10..

We went to patong area to try the sea sports.. We decided on jet ski-ing.. which was really fun.. Next time i wanna go back and play! Patong was so busy and so filled with foreigners that i am secretly glad that i picked karon.. And.. we lost about 1000 baht!!! I am so sad.. So the last meal was cup noodles in the resort..

But i kind of like it! Because the resort was so shiok.. We went swimming in the resort's pool and turn in early the last night as we had to catch an early flight back home..

I really enjoyed the time spent with monster.. But, somehow when i touched down sg, i realised i missed home so much.. My sweet mama knew i am coming home, so she cooked lunch for us..


Back to work was horrendous.. It sucks.. My mailbox hit a record of 400 plus emails.. I nearly jumped out of my chair when i saw the figure..

And its official, i have cancelled all the cable tv and internet at home.. There was a huge fight.. I totally lost my cool.. I guess I havent been so pissed in my life before that i actually picked up a chair ready to be thrown towards tt someone.... Lucky my mom came between in time.. Mayb i am just too protective over my mom.. Although there are times where i really feel like strangling her, but i just cannot bear the fact that she is hurt after all her efforts..

The reason why i cancelled all the entertainment at home? I just want them to know.. Its not always i have to pay everything and they enjoy.. So now, no entertainment.. it will be fair and square.. And i made my stand clear.. If any shit ever comes out again, I will send them packing to give some peace to me and my mom...

Well, at least sth to look forward.. I am finally going to BKK!!! about a mth away.. hehe.. and i'm gonna shop till i drop.. haha.. =P

I have just attended Spencer and Stef's Wedding..


And i am truly amazed at how creative they are.. They printed their photos on stamps and its absolutely gorgeous.

Its always nice to see the rest of the ppl all dressed up at weddings. I saw many that i havent seen for ages, and to be frank, its really nice to see them.

Irregardless of what happened in the past, its really a nice feeling to see everyone there.


I realised that i have taken a more peaceful way of handling things. Of cos, there are a few that i have not much to talk to.. but, I still tried my best to talk to them.. Maybe its just i havent seen them for a long time.. heh heh..


The day started as early as 530am.. monster woke up and prepared.. and he woke me up as well.. I didnt want to go cos carol, katt and Maureen all gotten the same dress and shoes.. I didnt want to spend anymore so i gave it a miss..


Me continued to slp until about 9.. and i woke up went back as my mom was out of town.. I needed to be back to do the chores.. My blood nearly boiled when i opened my door.. The whole place was in a mess and stinky! So i spent the whole morning tidying up, washing clothes, wash the dishes, etc..


And the second half of the day, i was practically lazing on my bed wondering what to wear to the dinner.. I decided not to wear too formal as it was held at a restaurant.. who knowss... I am the most casual there.. -_-

But i enjoyed myself there.. hee..


After wards was clubbing at st james with the whole lot of ppl.. wasnt really keen on going as my feets are tired.. haha.. but been a long time since the whole lot of us went.. =)

Stupid monster went off walking around by himself.. Yes i was partying away.. But i was so tired.. wanted to leave.. and i couldnt find him.. to make things worse, my phone is not working.. Imagine my frustration..

Its was raining super heavily so i was trapped inside.. and i went around roaming, managed to catch him walking around aimlessly.. I told him i was quite frustrated.. How can he just walk away.. and he said he was feeling tired as well, so he went around looking for a place to sit..

So in the end, we all decided to go back..

Had a long talk with him.. He says i need to give him room for mistakes.. and i was like.. huh?? Did i not?? If i did not, i would have walked out.. Does giving room for others' mistakes means that i cannot be angry by what they do?

He said last time Cindy would go out to search for him, and walk quietly behind his back like a xiao nu ren.. For me, i need to find out what is the reason behind whatever he is doing before i decide if i should follow suit..

Ya, This i have to agree.. I am someone who do not like the feeling of not knowing what i am doing.. Maybe i am a control freak.. I make sure everything is organized properly..

So its irritating.. But, i am not angry..

Maybe i should learn to take a more relaxed manner to life.. Haha.. Everything bo chup!!

I think i will be happier that way.. =)

Also, after talking to him.. I realised that there's something about me that i dont like.. But i just cant put my finger to it.. I actually miss the navive and innocent side of myself.. and I forgotten about the basic rule..

I used to believe that if i can make everyone i care happy, i would be happy too..

Maybe, i am just missing this part......

I am blogging in my office!!! =)

Alot has been on my mind recently..

Work stuffs.. Family stuffs.. bf stuffs.. even friends..


I guess i am still rather bothered by the things going on betw me and pu.. No doubt we met up after the incident, but i knew instantly, things are different.. No more hugs from him.. No more concern from him..

I actually regretted meeting him.. bcos now i know, how much i hurt him and how much is left for our friendship..

Maybe i shouldnt even mentioned abt wat he said to me to anyone.. Mayb i should just keep everything to myself.. Mayb i am too selfish.. At that point, I just felt suffocated that i need to tell those who are close to me.. oh well..

We talked over at msn last week.. he's friendly and all.. but maybe too friendly that it seems alittle weird.. I am not being paranoid.. I just know him too well thats all..


Aside for that.
Last week... I only worked for 1 and a half days!! haha.. Monday.. and then tuesday (supposed to work the whole day) but.. I was coughing badly.. my boss told me to go off..

I did not want to take advantage of the fact that my boss is so kind, so i took a half day leave..

Dinner was out with nigel cs and hc.. DAMN long nv see hc!! haha.. after dinner was chilling at haagen daz.. then me and hc went to look for monster since its near his place.. the guys talked while i ate my ribena sweets.. lol..

All the way till 2 am??!! or 3? i forgot.. after which, monster and me took a cab back to my place.. bcos its the start of our long weekend!

.Wednesday

Slept till quite late.. initial plan was to go swimming.. but last minute he had to go for an interview, so it was quite rush.

We went to buy our ingredients and started cooking!

Cooking was always fun.. but cleaning is always a pain.. so we did all we can to prevent my kitchen from getting oily.. haha..

At night, i stayed at home.. spending time with my mom.. while waiting for him to be back..

.Thursday

We went back to SP!! brought QiaoYu there as she is not working as well..

But i was disappointed! cos its orientation week.. i cant eat the chicken chop.. =(

After which, we went back to his place.. and slept! all the way till evening.

Went to Kallang with Hanwei and Qiaoyu to catch Shinjuku Incident..

I like the show alot! not bcos its bloody and gory.. but i feel the deeper meaning behind the story..

sick n sick.. since last friday till today.. ate my pills and fell aslept immediately.

.Friday

Good Friday to everyone who celebrates it...

This date is also me and monster's anniversary! We didnt really celebrate it... oh.. he got me a stalk of sunflower!! and i mean a stalk.. i have been wanting someone to give me tt.. bcos i simply love carrying a stalk of sunflower.. haha.. and well, this time i am surprised..

anyway, the day was spent with his whole family rather than the two of us.. we all went to offer praying to his grandpa..

Along the way, there are some misunderstandings.. i just feel so irritated.. but i kept quiet.. after which, went over to vivo for tea.. can you imagine about 20 plus ppl making noise at toast box.. lol.. i think we kind of created some chaos there..

initial plan was to catch a movie, however, no slots, no suitable movies (got to be PG rating).. So we all decided to go over his uncle's place...

caught the uncut version of wolverine.. i wanna watch tt show when it screens! =)

.Saturday

woke up rather late... had lunch with his sis and bf.. supposed to go down to town and catch a movie with them..

But maybe due to our poor time management, we couldnt.. and bcos of some incidents, he was in a really foul mood.. cursing and swearing while driving.. I dont know.. this is something that i really dont like.. so, yup.. i kept quiet... AAAAaallll the wayyy...

back home and had dinner.. i think both of us just feel suffocated cos we arent talking to each other.. and besides, he just have a stupid mouth that he will say sth really sarcastic when he's pissed. So there i was, tearing when eating my bowl of fish noodles.. To the extent that i lost all appetite to eat.. He too, stop eating..

So the both of us went over to a quiet spot to talk things out.. I said something bad..

I said i was tired.. since he is tired too.. why not take a break? Time off each other.. then maybe we will be clear headed to deal with each other then...

At that point of time, i really mean it.. I cried too.. But somehow i know i meant it.. bcos maybe we just need to give each other time to see if we are asking too much from either side..

I caused his tears to roll down.. and it ended up me comforting him.. We managed to sort out our differences and ended up at cold storage to buy chicken soup for the whole family to drink..

Maybe sometimes when you treasure a r/s, you want to make it work so badly.. that unknowingly, you create stress for each other..

I have learnt many things from him.. I was never a person that was able to openly speak my mind to my bf.. There are a few things that i would choose not to say for fear of creating another wave of unhappiness..

But ironically, i always wanted my partner to be one whom we are completely honest and open about our feelings.. Although, many ppl claimed that they can do that.. But, have you ever heard from your partner saying that he feels sad when he looks at his ex-gf photo and feel its so wasted that things dont work out betw them..

Dont be mistaken.. I am not trying to complain about him.. The fact is, i appreciate that he came clean with me.. and bcos of that, i am not angry and i understood his situation then.. So what i am trying to bring across is the extent of how honest we are to each other.. We tell each other almost everything.. of cos not to the extent that "i am bathing now, i am brushing my teeth.." But we keep each other updated on what goes on in our lives and most imptly what is on our mind.

I used to have this thing about my bf not telling me that other girls are flirting with them.. other girls try to do something funny to him.. well, what most guys think is that they wouldnt want additional trouble from their partner just by telling them.. But have they even realised that its bcos of wat they hide that will eventually cause the relationship to turn sour..

Girls, yes, we all do feel uneasy, jealous and unhappy, its human nature to think that way.. I myself will feel that way too, i dont deny that.. But take time to appreciate his courage to tell you.. it is not easy.. bcos most guys will tend to choose the easy way out.. Monster is different.. If he knows by telling me, i would be unhappy.. He would still tell me.

Ok.. alot of crap from me.. But well, i am happy we talked things out..

.Sunday

Since sat was spoiled by him.. so we made it up on sunday.. we went to town for a short walk.. and also to get his leather shoes.. afterwards was dinner at my place.. and we watched devil loves prada or sth.. not a bad show..

.Today

Back at work.. and i have tons to do.. bcos i have been off for 5 days!!! ggrrrr....
My email counter grew to a whooping 235 mails.. i nearly jumped out of my skin..
My Lappy's mother board gave way.. so whole morning was trying to transfer my stuffs to a temporary PC.. and it is damn slow! -_-

Still sick.. my colleagues are pestering me to go home.. haha.. BUT.. i cant.. bcos i have alot of work to clear!!!

Ciaos... Till then..

haiz haiz haiz....

I lost all motivation to work!! I skipped work today...

Sometimes, i just wish i am rich, so i need not be bothered about work..

arrr... Ppl please help me....


Something really unpleasant happened at work last friday. Although, it seems like i didnt bother.. I just feel that there are too many things going on behind our back.. and i dont like it at all!!

The reason (or so as i see it) that they wanted to push me up to manage the sales ppl... its bcos they wanted me to do sales eventually.. just bcos i managed to bring in some sales over the few mths i am here..

And they wanted to get rid of all the engineers... they say i am lucky cos at least i have a new job allocated to me... i say BULL SHIT!!

They just want to cut cost... and believe naively that singapore can make do without the engineers... meaning they are going to let manila and india site take over all our job roles..

crap... who is going to do the gatekeeping of the work system.. to think that i always put myself into the bad light, cos i always quarrel with the sales manager due to his neglience of the proper work flow.. and i insist things should be done the proper way...

so.. without sg engineer, manila and india team can do it? my ass...

The thing that really drove me mad is that all these was not told to us.. and its the decision of the few managers.. my VP didnt even know... so much of the transparency being boasted about... so much of the respect being talked about...

If you respect ppl, wouldnt you even discuss with us first? how am i going to explain to my order admins if one day they just decided to cut them....

I just feel so siannnn that i really cant find any reason to work..... haiz..... i hate politics... i hate fighting with the management... sucks...


After work was meeting up with cs and nigel at jp.. for dinner.. guess its a long time since we met ba.. cos there are times when there are some silence.. LOL... typical me, i just cannot leave my work in the office.. so, i wasnt really in the mood to talk..

Overall was a nice meet up.. both still the same.. still as ever crappy.. haha..


Friday is just a terrible day over all!! i just couldnt control myself.. i was really very moody when i met up with monster.. tt sweet guy came over to mrt to fetch me and knew instantly that something was bothering me.. I am just in my feisty mood.. so i guess i did pissed him off a little..


I HATE MY JOB...... it doesnt pays well.. it caused stress in my life.. i am always playing mental games there... sucks! totally sucks..

I did a really stupid thing..... -_-

Weeks ago, i started thinking about the perfect gift for monster's birthday. I know i know, i am really very kiasu.. cos his birthday is still more than 2 mths away.

I was planning to take him away for a short trip. And he had the exact same plan to do so on our anniversary which is about 1 mth before his birthday....

So i came up with all sorts of excuses why we shouldnt go.. haha..

Last week i was working from work for almost the whole week.. Haha.. I know.. damn good of my boss!! haha..

So I was planning to bring him to a resort, have a spa, relax by the beach... Because he had been working really very hard, almost all the saturdays he was working.. and he is always complaining about his backache, so i tot of a trip just to relax, get ourselves out from the busy citys.

So i decided on phuket! All expenses proudly sponsered by me.. cost a bomb.. but he deserve a nice trip..

I found a resort that has rooms just next to the pool. The kind that you can jump into the water from your room.. =)

I booked the resort... and i was really excited..

I even tot of how i will surprise him..

Initially, i tot of telling him the night before.. but.. thats a problem as there wont be any time for him to prepare...

so.. Finally, i tot that i will draft out a letter saying that he won a trip to phuket and mail it to his place the week before...


BUT!!

stupid me.. i blurted everything out to him the next day i met him........ -_-""""

Reason being? I am just too excited...


Call me stupid or wat...